i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
