I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
