Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
