My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
is that a dick in a sweater?
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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