he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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