I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
