Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
You were trust falling into bushes
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
