I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
