it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
