My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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