So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
