He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
