come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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