my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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