I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
