If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
