i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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