Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Randomize
