i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
