this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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