Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
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