His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up�
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
