then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
