I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
