listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
