there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
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