fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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