I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
