Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
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