dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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