just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
