a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
