I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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