I wish I only lived at night.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
