I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
