paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
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