next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
BRING THE BAGELS
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
