I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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