I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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