OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
