The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
