do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
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