He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Banned from zoo.
Again?
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
should my penis look like a turkey
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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