she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
