The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize
