bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
