You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
True strength comes from lack of pants
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
