The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.�
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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