Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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