My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
