So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Randomize
