my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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