i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
and you fell through a lawn chair
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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